This is another interesting topic that we discussed in the first day of my communication training. We often assume that communication is more on conveying message. But let’s not forget that receiving and understanding the message is equally important.

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.
-Stephen R. Covey

We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.
– Zeno of Citium

Here are 10 ways to improve our listening skills:

1. Before begin to listen, start with a deep inhale and exhale quietly.
2. Listen and relax. Don’t even think on how to reply. Our job now is to listen and gather data.
3. When the other party pauses, summarize our understanding then ask whether we got it right so far.
4. Don’t multitask while listening. Or, don’t ever multitask on anything.
5. Show empathy. We might have an contrast opinion, but can we found common ground?
6. If we get confused, immediately raise our hand then ask question
7. Maintain proper eye contact (if the culture permits)
8. Always remember what is the goal of this communication. This goal should guide us along the communication to make sure we are on the right track
9. Listen with open mind. Put aside any biases or prejudices that might affect on how we hear things.
10. Pay attention to things which are not said. Does the body language seems to contradict what has been said? If yes, then make clarification if necessary.

I hope it’s useful.

Cheers

During my yesterday’s training, we were discussing about styles of communication. From the style of communication, we will be able to deduce the likeness of a person. There are at least four styles of communications:

1. Expresser
2. Driver
3. Relater
4. Analytical

Below table will show the traits of each style, how to deal with them, etc:

A person usually has one dominant style, and one sub-dominant style (E.g. John guessed that I myself is a driver and analytical). Hopefully, by knowing the style of the person we are communicating with, it will increase the success of the communication.

It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be perilled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be perilled in every single battle.

– Sun Tzu

The first that come to my mind when reading above table was “what is my wife’s communication styles?” 😀

So, can you identify what’s your own style of communication?

Apparently today I had a training scheduled for me :D. Actually I’m already aware about the scheduled training. But with many projects running simultaneously, I simply forgot that today is the day.

The training is about communication in workplace. The reason my boss enrolled me to this training is because I requested for it. My last project was not really end well. It was completed, but with much heated arguments between myself and the user. The arguments were mostly about how after I spent so much effort completing a functionality, the user simply no longer wanted it. At the end, it made me question my ability to communicate/negotiate. Thus, I brought it up to my manager and requested for communication/negotiation training.

The trainer (or facilitator as he prefers to be called) is John Toh. He has been in the training industry/consultancy for more than 13 years. Beside communication, he also provide training on creativity and negotiation. He also doing consultancy on Human Resource strategy. Apart from that, he is also a reverend in a church somewhere in Little India.

So, the first day of the training was fun. On the first day we learn and discuss about the concept of communications, what internal and external factors that could hinder it, so on and so forth.

Things that I learned today:

1. Communication is considered successful when the message received, and action was carried out according to the message
2. We are all have biases and prejudices. These will affect on how we interpret a message
3. We can improve our communication by having:
   1. Active listening: seek clarifications, maintain eye contact, taking a note (after asking for permission)
   2. Control tone of voice
   3. Positive body language: Open-hand gesture, body straight not slouched
   4. Positive language: encouraging words, no demeaning remarks

I guess that’s all for now. I’ll share another interesting things I found from this training in the next post.